Arkhamverse and DCAUVerse in a White Room
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Title speaks for itself. Crackfic
1. Day 1

**Arkhamverse and DCAUverse in a White Room**

"So… you're the animated me, right?" Batman asked, staring down his video game counterpart.

"Obviously. You sound very much like me as well. Copies or clones?" DCAU Batman asked

"Possibly"

"Ok… which one is the *real* Bruce, because I'm clearly seeing double" Arkhamverse Talia said in confusion, before running into the white wall

"Apparently the author wanted all of us in this room for some bonding. Time to get better acquainted, if you will" DCAU Batman explained, just as DCAU Talia entered the room

"So… I have a twin sister who looks, talks and dresses exactly like me. Huh. Guess this is better than that *other* comic book company…" DCAU Talia snarked

 **Watch your attitude missy or I'll send you back to the Avengers Mansion! Rule no. 1: No Marvel slamming**

"Yes, Mr. Stoker, understood" DCAU Talia quickly complied, the author chuckling with approval.

"Who's Mr. Stoker? Is he an encyclopedia salesman?" DCAU Vicki Vale asked cluelessly

"No, you ditz. His username is based off of the author of Dracula" Vicki Vale explained

"Oh…" Vicki said in realization

"So glad we got that fact out in the open" DCAU Batgirl replied

 **I most heartily agree. In the meantime, Huntress and Black Canary will** _not_ **be joining you this evening. They are with me in my private room watching Red vs. Blue**

"My favorite!" DCAU Vicki Vale squealed in delight, Vicki holding her back

 **Oh I forgot to mention: doors don't open till tomorrow morning. Have fun. HAHAHAHAHA**

 **Oh did u really think I was gonna let y'all just sit there and do nothing? Allow me to provide you some entertainment with none other than Mad Max: Fury Road**

"YES!" Arkhamverse Two-Face whooped for joy

"… Beyond Thunderdome was sooo much better" Riddler deadpanned

 **Do you want me to send you back to Jigsaw, Riddler?**

"NO! GOD, NO!" Riddler yelped fearfully

 **Then pipe a cork in your mouth and watch the damn movie! BTW it'll be playing again and again until morning. Enjoy!**

"Tom Hardy is kinda cute… I like Mel Gibson more" DCAU Batgirl purred

"Pfft. Gimme a break, Babs. Mel Gibson's old enough to be your grandfather" DCAU Nightwing snarked

"Oh my god, they captured Mad Max!" DCAU Robin shouted

"You bastards!" Arkhamverse Robin added

"Didn't I tell you boys to watch your language?" Arkhamverse Talia snarled, the Robins shutting up

"Ok, these hallucinations Max are having sound very much like somethin' outta Scarecrow's fear gas" DCAU Two-Face mentioned

"… You don't say?" Arkhamverse Scarecrow hissed, tapping Two-Face's shoulder with his syringelike claws.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Two-Face screamed like Fay Wray from King Kong

"Whoa… This Immortan Joe guy is like if Bane conceived a child with that really scary Twisted Metal clown" Arkhamverse Oracle commented

"Mm-hmm. A real good image, if I say myself" DCAU Bane agreed

"Popcorn, other me?" DCAU Batman offered, Arkhamverse Batman nodding in acceptance

"I'm just watching it for that cool guy with the guitar that spits fire out" Arkhamverse Firefly said

"No way! Me too!" DCAU Firefly chimed in

"Hold on guys, here comes that famous line…" Arkhamverse Joker said, leading everyone in chorus..

" **OH WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!** " everyone shouted crazily

"God that never gets old" Two-Face snickered

 **Now we're switching to an oldie but goodie… Batman and Robin!**

"Over our dead bodies!" Arkhamverse and DCAU Batman shouted in unison

 **Fine, fine, I'll show King Kong 2005, you big whiners. Jeez**

"Which was better? The 1933 version or the 2005 version?" Talia asked in wonder

"How should I know? Ask Nostalgia Critic. He did a video on that a few years ago" DCAU Batgirl replied

"Ok, the opening of the film takes place in… a zoo? Seriously?" Arkhamverse Nightwing commented

"Well, maybe it shows how Kong was born before he wound up on that creepy-as-hell island" Riddler added

"Shutter Island?" Arkhamverse Scarecrow asked hopefully

 **NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!**

"But Mr. Stoker…" Arkhamverse Scarecrow whined

 **AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL NOT SHOW SHUTTER ISLAND IN THIS ROOM! DO I MAKE MYSELF PERFECTLY CLEAR?!**

"Crystal, boss man. We got your back" Arkhamverse Vicki replied, giving me a thumbs up

 **Excellent, Vicki. Since you're so obedient, I'm placing you in charge of all the other inmates, er, I mean guests in this room**

"Whoopee!" Arkhamverse Vicki squealed with joy, as she began whipping DCAU Robin like crazy

"HELP! PLEASE HEEELLLPPP MEEEEEEE!" Robin screamed dramatically as Arkhamverse Vicki chased him around the room with a chainsaw, giggling maniacally

"…Robin really needs to be whipped into shape, wouldn't you think?" DCAU Batman asked, Arkhamverse Robin scoffing

"Pfft. The animated me is such a lousy whiny pushover" Arkhamverse Robin commented in disgust

"Hey! It's RL Stine from Goosebumps!" DCAU Vicki Vale called

"No, dimwit, that's Jack Black. Goosebumps doesn't open until next month" Arkhamverse Vicki corrected

"… That reminds me, I gotta get the tickets for it on Fandango" Arkhamverse Poison Ivy added

"Ooh la la, what's a pretty girl like you doing in a white paradise like this?" DCAU Poison Ivy cooed

"Mm-mmm, seems like a match made in heaven. Care to get more… intimate with me?" Arkhamverse Ivy offered

 **OK, stop right there! There will be absolutely NONE of that in here! Rule no. 2: no girl on girl stuff or anything like that. I'm trying to be more family-friendly with my writing**

"Party pooper" Arkhamverse Ivy scowled

 **I heard that! Another crack like that, and I'll force all of you to watch 12 hours of Red vs Blue**

"…" Everyone was speechless

 **So you swear to behave yourselves and not fight each other, correct?**

Everyone silently nodded

 **Batmans, you and the Jokers shake hands and declare a truce that for one night only, the both versions of you will make up and act with kindness until tomorrow.**

They immediately did so

 **Ok, that's better. I'm sending you some food and drinks down**

"Wow! I haven't had a bigger meal since our wedding, right Renee?" Batwoman asked, as she chowed down on a biscuit

"You betcha" Renee Montoya added, burping before taking a sip of her mocha latte


	2. Day 2

**Arkhamverse and DCAUverse in a White Room**

 **Part 2**

"Morning, other me" DCAU Batman said, waking up and politely greeting his video game counterpart

"Good morning. I really enjoyed Downton Abbey last night" Arkhamverse Batman replied

"My butler Alfred has a Masterpiece Theatre collection" DCAU Batman added

"No kidding? So does mine" Arkhamverse Batman responded

Both stared at each other for a good long twenty seconds…

"You sure we're not gonna fight each other and see which is the better me?" DCAU Batman asked

"Nah. We'll let Ben Affleck be the judge of that next year" Arkhamverse Batman replied

"Good one"

"Thank you"

"Ugh… sleeping on the floor knocks me out…" Arkhamverse Talia moaned sleepily, getting up

"You could've taken the private room, but, according to the rulebook, that's the author's head office" DCAU Talia remarked

"Other Me, I have got to get you to a sleep clinic" Arkhamverse Talia snarked

"Come again?" DCAU Talia spat, confused

"Your snoring kept me up all night last night plus you talking about animated Batman in your sleep was driving me crazy!" Arkhamverse Talia snapped

"… Oh. Well, be thankful Nyssa isn't here. She has a reputation for sawing logs" DCAU Talia responded

"… Nyssa isn't _in_ this universe. She's in the Arrowverse, remember?" Arkhamverse Talia groaned, pinching her nose

"I see the two of them are starting to know each other very well" DCAU Batman commented as the Talias spoke

"Quite right. This should be a very interesting morning" Arkhamverse Batman replied in amusement

"Ok, ok! I'm up! The next person who asks me to do Truth or Dare will get two bullets to the head!" Arkhamverse Two-Face growled, stumbling up dazedly

"Morning, Harvey" Batmans said in unison

"… Huh? Am I finally cracking up? Are you the real Bat, or are you the T-1000?" Two-Face asked

"… Yes" Arkhamverse Batman smirked, grinning

"DIE YOU FREAKY ASS CYBORG!" Two-Face yelled, firing his gun like a maniac, but no bullets came out

"Just kidding" Arkhamverse Batman chuckled

"Grrrr. I think being trapped in this room has deluded the both of your sanity, and I'm not meaning mine as well" Two-Face snarled, just as DCAU Two-Face arose with DCAU Poison Ivy wrapped in his arms

"… what in Stan Lee are you doing with her?!" Arkhamverse Two-Face asked in confusion and rage

"You know the old saying, twin; we fight we break up, then we kiss and make up" DCAU Two-Face grinned

"Wait a sec… did you just make a Katy Perry reference?" DCAU Talia asked

"Stay outta this, woman! If me and Pammy wanna make pop music references, then we will!" DCAU Two-Face barked

"Mm-hmm. Ain't that the truth, Mr. Big Sexy" DCAU Poison Ivy purred

"That's it! I'm taking Family Feud off of the DVR first thing tomorrow morning!" Arkhamverse Two-Face snapped

"Our favorite game show!" Both Vicki Vales said in unison

"…" Two-Face simply shook his head in disgust, staring at the scatterbrained copies

"Well, that was definitely a good night's rest, wouldn't you agree, Other Babs?" DCAU Batgirl asked

"Au contraire, mon petit" Arkhamverse Batgirl replied in a suave French accent

"…Babs and I went to Paris for our honeymoon" Arkhamverse Robin piped up

"Gee, that explains the mystery of why Batgirl smelled like croissants when she took her shower the other night" DCAU Catwoman said, getting up before stretching

"Well, good to be in my kitty basket again" Arkhamverse Catwoman yawned, curling up and purring in her sleep

"… Please don't tell me you two slept together in that cat basket" Arkhamverse Robin winced in disgust

"Well, you scratch my back and I'll scratch…" DCAU Catwoman started

"Ok, ok! I get your drift, just stop there, I gotta remove some images outta my head" DCAU Robin moaned, rubbing his forehead

"… Robin really needs to get whipped into shape. Look how well-groomed and masculine my Robin is" Arkhamverse Batman said, as he and his counterpart observed DCAU Robin's awkwardness

"Hah! My Robin is better than your Robin" DCAU Batman bragged

"…":

"Uh… did you just…" Arkhamverse Batman started nervously

"Yeah. My bad, I, uh, kinda crossed the line twice with that one" DCAU Batman said sheepishly

"Wait a sec, you both go on TV Tropes too? That's, like, my favorite web site ever!" DCAU Talia exclaimed

".. Of all time" Nightwing deadpanned

Two-Face stared at him and snarled, "You just had to throw in a Red vs Blue reference, now, did you?"

"Amy likes that show, plus my kids watch it, so sue me" Nightwing snarked

"Wait a minute… Did you… you married that Bludhaven cop?" Both Two-Faces asked in unison

"No, _he_ did" DCAU Nightwing piped up, pointing to Arkhamverse Nightwing " _I_ married Starfire" DCAU Nightwing added

"What?" Both Robins asked in shock

"Hey, it's not my fault. You two were both bickering over which of you was better for Babs" DCAU Nightwing shrugged

"Hehehe, good one, other me" Arkhamverse Nightwing snickered

"Uh…" DCAU Batman started, everyone facing him

"… Would I be perfect for *him?*" DCAU Batman asked, pointing at Arkhamverse Batman

Silence completely covered the entire room. Both Two-Faces dropped their coins and jaws in shock

"… I… I can't believe it… you… you have feelings for me?" Arkhamverse Batman asked hopefully

"Dude, I said I would be perfect for you as a _**brother**_ " DCAU Batman said, specifying

"… Oh" Everyone said in relief

"Boy, I'm glad we got that out in the open" DCAU Robin said

"Hey, what up, peeps? Killer Croc is in the house!" Arkhamverse Killer Croc announced, entering the room

"Get off, pushover! _**I**_ am the one true Killer Croc!" DCAU Killer Croc boasted, shoving Arkhamverse Croc out of his way

"… So you don't play a trumpet in New Orleans and you didn't swallow a clock?" Arkhamverse Croc asked

"You definitely bonked the nail on that one, buddy" DCAU Croc deadpanned

"Well, you two actually _do_ have a thing in common: you both smell" DCAU Talia moaned, pinching her nose

"Nah, little lady. That's just the sweet smell of swamp water on my skin. It'll make your skin nice and smooth" Arkhamverse Killer Croc purred

"A-ha! You _**are**_ from Louisiana, I _**knew**_ it!" DCAU Croc cheered in victory

"Rats" Arkhamverse Croc snarled, handing DCAU Croc $30 as he snapped his fingers in defeat

"Rats? Where? I wanna chase a rat!" Arkhamverse Catwoman babbled, her tail swishing wildly

"… Did you give her your plant food again, Ivy?" DCAU Catwoman asked in boredom

"Pfft. Of course not, silly. I gave her petunia flavored catnip" Ivy answered

"Oh. So that explains this, then…" Arkhamverse Nightwing deadpanned, as Arkhamverse Catwoman scratched on the wall and then licked herself

"… I never thought I'd see the day when Selina would finally act like her namesake" DCAU Batman said

"Hmm. You should see the other Selina when she's _**not**_ in costume" Arkhamverse Batman retorted

 **To Be Continued…**


	3. Day 3

**Arkhamverse and DCAUverse in a White Room**

 **Part 3**

"Just another Manic Monday…" DCAU Talia hummed joyfully, munching on a strawberry waffle

"I hate Mondays" Arkhamverse Two-Face snarled

"Ooh, what's gotten you so uptight, Garfield?" Arkhamverse Talia teased

"Shut it, woman! Don't zing me when I'm having my breakfast!" Arkhamverse Two-Face barked

"LET'S DO THIS!" Arkhamverse Clayface bellowed jubilantly, rolling into the room

"Hah! _I_ am the better Clayface!" DCAU Clayface bragged, the other Clayface staring down his copy

"You're so eloquent and refined. Tan well?" Arkhamverse Clayface asked affably

"Of course. Oolong Island has the most fabulous beaches and spas. It's a paradise on earth"

"MAKE WAY FOR GRUNDY!" Arkhamverse Solomon Grundy bellowed, entering the room

"Grundy think you handsome" DCAU Solomon Grundy said, pink hearts bubbling in Arkhamverse Grundy's eyes

"D'awww, isn't that cute?" Arkhamverse Talia said as the Grundys waltzed together

"I knew the two would be perfect for each other" DCUverse Killer Croc said, wiping a tear from his eye

"Who on earth are _**you?**_ " Both Arkhamverse and DCAU Crocs asked in unison

"I'm you from the DC Cinematic Universe. I don't appear until Suicide Squad next summer" DCUverse Croc explained

"Hahahahahaha!" DCUverse Joker cackled, waltzing into the room

"Hey! You don't appear until 2016" Both Arkhamverse and DCAUverse Jokers exclaimed

"I know. I just wanted to give my fans a little sneak peek" DCUverse Joker grinned

"Morning, everyone!" Both Arkhamverse and DCAUverse Batmans said jubilantly

"ah-HEM" DCUverse Batman grunted, both Batmans facing their copy

"Daredevil? Is that you?" DCAU Batman asked

"No idiot, I'm not that anymore. My name is… Batfleck" DCUVerseBatman responded

"that oughta be a really zippy meme" Arkhamverse Two-Face remarked

"Hahahahahahahahaha…." Arkhamverse Vicki cackled, rocking back and forth in the fetal position

"Oh dear. It seems my sister has finally snapped" DCAU Vicki gasped in horror

"Finally?" DCAU Talia snarked

"I think it's some kind of Post Traumatic Time Travel Stress Repetitive Syndrome. In scientific terms, she's developed Cranial Insanitosis. Basically, she's gone bonkers" DCAU Batman gruffly explained

"We never landed on the moon! Hehehe!" Vicki gibbered insanely

"… I thought it all ended in a church" DCAU Robin mentioned.

"The government put a chip in my brain!" Arkhamverse Nightwing babbled

"Ok, ok! We get it, now shut the hell up!" Arkhamverse Two-Face growled, firing a round of his pistol into the ceiling, causing a sandbag to lightly conk Arkhamverse Vicki on the head

"Ooh… pretty birdies… tweet tweet, so pretty…" Vicki babbled, her eyes crossed with a ridiculous grin on her face as she collapsed on the floor, sound asleep

"…what the hell was that?" Arkhamverse Two-Face asked after an awkward pause

"I think Vicki was trying to…" DCAU Robin added

"That was rhetorical" DCAU Batman gruffly snapped

"Well, I've got a diet to keep up. Break time!" DCAU Robin cheered, racing for the break room

"Honeymoon's over, numbnuts! You're back down to being number seven!" DCAU Batman bellowed

"what is going on with all the Red vs Blue references? The next season doesn't start until next year" DCAU Nightwing remarked

"ooh, someone's havin' a lil get-together? Ooh, I like the sound of this" DCU Harley Quinn purred

"holy…" all three Batmans gasped at the sight of the live action Harley's skinny slender body

"actually you're from Australia. Aren't you?" DCAU Vicki asked

"yup. How'd you guess?" DCU Harley responded in her native accent

"Harley, lemme ask ya somethin… does Australia sell any V8 Interceptor cars?" Two-Face asked

"no, you bloody oaf! That's a bleedin' Aussie stereotype" DCU Harley snarled

"way to get acquainted with new friends Harvey…" DCAU Robin smirked

"you asking for a bullet between the eyes, smart-ass?" Two-Face growled

"I'm shutting up" DCAU Robin gulped

"that's a good boy. You're learning" Arkhamverse Two-Face said

"ugh… I feel dizzy… what happened? There was a really mean kitten and…" Arkhamverse Vicki moaned

"no, no, smart mouth here shot off his yapper again" Two-Face replied, glaring at Robin

"Obviously *my* verse's Robin is ten times, no, no twenty times better than *yours*" Two-Face bragged

"Whaddya saying? You wanna put the mouth where your money is?" DCAU Robin smirked

"Um, you got it mixed the wrong way, dumbass" DCAU Nightwing groaned

"Oh yeah. Uh…" DCAU Robin thought, drooling

"oh god, someone fix him before I do, and I don't mean fix-fix, I mean perma death fix" Arkhamverse Two-Face groaned

"no worries Big Man Harv, I'll do it" Vicki purred, sticking her tongue down Robin's mouth

"WHOA" all three Batmans gasped, feeling *something* rise

"You guys are gettin' hard now, ain'tcha?" DCAU Ivy purred

"Ok, Ivy, stop. Just… stop" DCAU Nightwing groaned, rubbing his sore forehead

"ohhhhh is little Dickie bein' a sissy Mary?" Ivy teased

"Pamela, I swear to God, if you don't stop, so help me I will…" DCAU Nightwing threatened

"Hey, hey, hey! Get your hands off my husband!" Amy Rohrbach barked

"Amy? Sweetie, what are you doin here?" Arkhamverse Nightwing said

"I left the kids at Ma's house so I can join you at this… this… get-together thing" Amy said

"Well, you're certainly late since all the other wackos have joined the party" Arkhamverse Two-Face snarked


End file.
